// fourteen

Do you ever have an overwhelming urge to change everything you are?
Your name, your attitude, the way you hold yourself, how you treat other people. As if you could suddenly flick a switch and become the villainous (or heroic) version of yourself. Just move somewhere new, change your name, start all over. It would be a nice change of pace.

Not sure where I would go, it doesn't really matter. The name would be easier: since I was little (when my dad used it), I've liked my middle name over my first, so getting used to being called Sam wouldn't be difficult. Not to mention being able to pass for much younger than I truly am. I'm tired of worrying what thoughts will make it passed my lips in conversation, so it would be nice not having a second thought to hurting feelings with a well-placed phrase here or there. Hell, it'd be nice to be a little bad-ass once in awhile. Well-placed snark is entertaining. Speaking of bad-ass, I really wish it was easier to turn off fear and pain tolerance. I can be a bit of a chicken-shit, and my pain tolerance level is simply pathetic. I'd really like a tattoo or few. While we're at it, I could use some motivation as well, perhaps a bit of ambition. Mind over matter, yeah? Hmm.

Yeah, this is all some crazy fantasy, because really, how much can one person change? Not just at once, but even over a long period of time? It's just exhausting being the quiet, too bloody nice girl all the fucking time.